glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's even glitter on my cock...
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