birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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