Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
