I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
