Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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