You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hippo gnu deer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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