Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
