Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The Olympian is in my bed
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