i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
