we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
