But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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