Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were trust falling into bushes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
