Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You work out of a Hotel?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
