I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
