So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
