hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
