Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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