I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
