He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
