good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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