Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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