first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They took my balls.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
