yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
