it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
