I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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