before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
