ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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