I heard we made out
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
