i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
