if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
