im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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