I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
