the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize