I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
