When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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