you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
