Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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