Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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