New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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