you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
