The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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