i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
