apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drinking out of a sandbucket again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
