A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I touched a dick in church today
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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