Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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