I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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