Define "chronic" masturbator.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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