As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
