god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
