he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
