nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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