it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
