Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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