I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
