Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize