This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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