If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
