when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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