Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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