He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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