Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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