Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
