help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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