just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
