New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
