Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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