Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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