I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
