Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
