I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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