Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize